Collaring Their Racy Runaway [Racy Nights 12] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Page 6

  He took her hands, drawing strength from her warm skin. “I do understand that, at least on some level. I was such an ass in school.” He shook his head. “All that football must have knocked my brains loose. I thought there was nothing more to life than scoring touchdowns and getting as far as I could with each date. I was so smug. I really got off on playing people. And then I got in with a rough crowd and did some things I’m not proud of. But all that’s changed now. I’m not that person anymore.”

  “I’m not the same person, either. Thank you for believing that I’m not a bad person.”

  “You’re not a bad person. You never were. You simply trust everyone you meet.”

  She nodded slowly. “That’s true. That’s exactly what it is. I still trust people, but I’m going to be more careful how far I let them into my life from now on.”

  He rubbed the back of her hands. “Thank you for letting me in this far.”

  She gazed into his eyes with so much trust that he felt unworthy of it. He really hadn’t earned it yet. And that thought reminded him of what they’d talked about on the phone last evening. He’d told her he was a Dom, and she’d reacted by confessing how much she wanted to learn more about BDSM. That had surprised the hell out of him, considering her history of abuse. Most women who lived through something like that regarded Doms as just abusers hiding behind a title. Perhaps because Rafe and Luke were also in the lifestyle she understood the difference?

  He glanced around. The closest patrons were three tables away. “Last night on the phone you mentioned wanting to know more about my lifestyle. What can I help you understand?”

  She raised her brows. “Well, I don’t even know what to ask. Rafe and Luke don’t discuss details with me. Ria probably would, but I haven’t had much chance to talk to her lately.”

  “I can’t help but mention this, so forgive me if it’s sensitive, but given the fact that Ray abused you, I’m surprised you haven’t remarked on the comparisons most people make.”

  She shook her head before he was finished with the sentence. “No. I understand that it’s not the same. Julie…um…I guess it’s okay to tell you this. I’m seeing her professionally. She and I have just started discussing the differences because that’s one of the first things I brought up after she…shit.” She leaned closer. “Can I tell you this?”

  “Did Julie say it was okay to discuss what you and she talk about inside her office?”

  “I never really asked her that. I didn’t anticipate discussing this with anyone in the near future.”

  Garrett’s heart gave another lurch. She was trying so hard to do and say the right things, and obviously she held a person’s trust in high regard. He hadn’t met too many women like that, and he didn’t want her to think he wouldn’t honor a person’s confidence. But he also didn’t want to discourage her questions. Her hunger for knowledge practically jumped off her skin. “Let’s try it this way. Did Julie share personal information with you regarding her relationship to the BDSM community here in Racy?”

  She smiled, understanding dawning on her face. That meant she was intelligent, as well. “Yes.”

  “And did that also involve one of our detectives and the person who runs the BDSM club from his home?”

  This time she laughed softly, and Garrett had to take a couple of deep breaths. Not only did the gesture light up her entire face, but it sent shock waves of desire racing through his body. How had he missed this stunning girl in high school? Then again, he was glad he had. He would have only hurt her, and they probably wouldn’t be sitting here right now if he’d done that.

  “Yes, she did.”

  “Okay. Then we both know that Julie is a sub to Sean and Maddox. Thank God that’s out of the way. So…you and Julie have discussed the fact that BDSM is not abuse, correct?”

  “Yes, we have. I understand the difference. In a Dom/sub relationship, there is consent for everything, including impact play, bondage, or other forms of giving pain. And of course, that includes consent for sexual contact as well.”

  “That’s a lot more than most people understand, so you’re doing well already.”

  “Thanks. But here’s what I’m still struggling with. Let’s say you were my Dom, and you told me what to do every day. What if I didn’t want to do something? I mean, how would your ordering me around, telling me what to wear, what to eat, where to work, or who to hang out with be any different than an abusive, controlling relationship?”

  He bit back the urge to smile because she was so serious about it, and he knew how important this point was to her. “That is an excellent question.”

  Emma brought their food, and Garrett waited until she’d taken a few bites of her cheeseburger to continue. His sandwich wasn’t very good, but that was all right because he’d stuffed himself on popcorn at the theater. She ate like she hadn’t had any food in a week, and then he remembered her telling him she’d taken some dresses to her sister to be taken in. Did that mean she’d lost a lot of weight? Had that bastard withheld food from her?

  “Is it good?”

  She nodded, then swallowed her food before she spoke. “It’s wonderful. I’m so hungry all the time. It’s like I can’t get enough food.”

  “You were on the run for a while. It must have been hard to eat properly.”

  Her eyes clouded over. “It was. I’ve lost a lot of weight. But that’s over now.”

  “Yes, it is. We aren’t going to let anything bad happen to you. I hope you know that.”

  She gave him a look filled with gratitude. “I know. Thank you.”

  “So you asked a very good question about control. The thing is, a Dom doesn’t control a sub. She, or he, actually has all the power. You give your consent for everything. Even in a relationship where the sub or slave has negotiated with her Dom or Master that he has absolute say-so in everything, there has to be an out. A safeword, or a way that she can renegotiate a particular point or activity. Only an abusive asshole who is pretending to be a Dom or a Master won’t allow a sub or a slave to negotiate something.”

  “I didn’t realize that.”

  “It’s a power exchange, not a dictatorship. I would never simply tell you what to do, what to eat, what to wear, or who to hang out with, and expect you to obey me without question if we’d never discussed any of those points before. We would talk about what you want, what you need, and what you hope to accomplish in your life, and then we’d work out a way for you to work toward those goals. My role as a Dom isn’t merely to enforce rules or order you around. It’s to protect you and cherish you. It’s to guide you and help you become the woman you want to be, not the woman I think you should be.”

  As he watched her face while he spoke, he honestly thought she was going to cry, but she held it in check. She put down her burger and took his hands again, not seeming to mind the spot of mayo that had dripped from his sandwich, and that was now on her hand as well. “That sounds so beautiful. But what about all that…” She actually blushed, and his heart nearly stopped. How long had it been since he’d seen a woman do that? “What about all that spanking and stuff? Does that have to be part of it?”

  “Absolutely not. Not all Doms even enjoy giving pain, and not all of them enjoy doing impact play.”

  She averted her gaze for a few seconds, and then when she made eye contact again, her eyes were no longer wet. “May I ask a question that is going to sound nuts? I asked Julie, too, and I understand her explanation, but hearing one from your point of view would really help.”

  “Absolutely. Ask me anything you want.”

  “You know Ray hit me. More than once. And I understand what he did to me was not playing. Not even close. But when I think about…when I imagine being spanked or paddled as part of sex…as part of playing, it turns me on something fierce. How is that possible, given what I went through? How can someone want to experience that after having been hit in anger?”

  Oh lord. This girl was going to be his undoing. The urge to take her home
and keep her there forever, showing her everything that was possible in a Dom/sub relationship, was so strong. He’d lost hope of finding someone in this town who could be so open and honest with him, and he knew that was his own fault. But Teresa trusted him, and she wanted to learn everything about his lifestyle. He never thought that would happen, and he could barely contain his excitement.

  “That’s also an excellent question. I don’t have any personal experience with abuse, but I can tell you what I’ve heard other subs say on this subject.”

  He shifted in his seat so that he could lean closer to her and lowered his voice, just in in case. “I won’t name names to protect their identity, but one sub you know was sexually abused as a young teen by her mother’s boyfriends. More than once. She also had an ex-Dom who did more abuse than playing with her. But when she met her current Doms, they helped her separate the joy that pain given with pleasure can bring, from being slapped around or forced to have sex with someone. They walked a fine line at first, but their love and support finally helped her work through that.”

  He swore a spark of recognition crossed her face, and it occurred to him that she might know about Alexa’s past already. “And most subs enjoy impact play because the pain and pleasure pathways are the same, as far as our brains are concerned. For them, the pain is pleasure, and it helps them work through emotional issues as well because endorphins are released during it. They’re hardwired in such a way that their bodies react the same as if they exercised, or did some activity that brought them great joy.”

  She nodded again. “I get that. It makes sense.”

  This time, it was she who shifted on her seat, but not to lean closer. He’d eat the plastic menus if she wasn’t turned on right now. Her face flushed, her eyes were bright, and she looked ready to leap over the table and kiss him. Good God. How was he going to keep his hands off her? Did she even realize how pretty and sexy she was? He doubted it.

  “But how will I know? I mean, how can I ask someone to let me try it out and see if I can handle it? Wouldn’t that be like teasing them?”

  He swallowed hard. Play it cool. “Not if they’re a real Dom. If you ask one to let you experience play or something else about the lifestyle, without any commitments or promises, then that’s what they should let you do. No strings attached. And you’re right. You can’t really know how you’ll react unless you let it happen. But you don’t want to place yourself in just anyone’s hands. You want someone who will honor your limits, make sure you understand your safewords, and whom you can trust. Because at the core of this is trust. That’s the most important thing to understand. A Dom/sub relationship cannot exist without trust first and foremost.”

  She stared at him with so much intensity that it almost made him uncomfortable. He watched the emotions dance across her face while his damn dick grew rock hard again, and he forced himself to keep quiet and let her set the pace. The air in their booth was thick and heavy, but he sat still and waited, praying she’d ask him.

  “What about you?” Her voice was small and tentative, unsure. “Will you let me experience it? I trust you.”

  He barely knew her as the person she was now even though they’d grown up together. But he knew that he would never hurt her. Never. He was no longer the cocky teen he’d once been. She must know that, or she wouldn’t have asked him. “I would be honored to.”

  She smiled, and then he also realized how afraid she’d been that he’d refuse her. What else had this girl been through that she hadn’t told anyone? And was this the right decision for her to make at this time? It had to be. He’d make sure it was. He’d make sure that she never regretted asking him.

  “Thank you.”

  He glanced around, but they were still just as alone as before. “When would you like to do this?” Please say now.

  “Um…I have nothing else to do all day.”

  Thank God. “You do now,” he said softly. “When we’re finished, I’d like to show you my house.”

  Chapter Seven

  Teresa could hardly sit still during the ride to Garrett’s house. She’d done impulsive things before, but this didn’t feel the same as any of those had. This felt right. It felt safe. It certainly helped that she’d had a crush on him so many years ago, and that he’d turned out to be such a normal guy with a real job and intelligence behind those pretty brown eyes. He wasn’t anything like Ray or the other people Teresa had hung around. She knew that as certain as she knew her own name.

  And he wasn’t the same kid in high school who had looked right through her. She was more glad to realize that than anything else about him. If he’d still been a player, she could never do this with him. She’d never have gone out with him in the first place.

  His house sat among pines and fruit trees that were beginning to flower. They framed the driveway, forcing a gasp from her as they pulled close to the house. “Spring is finally here. Is there anything more beautiful than trees in bloom?”

  “Not even close.” He sprinted around to her door, opening it for her again, and then as she stepped onto the gravel driveway, he pulled her close.

  Teresa closed her eyes, letting the lust she’d been fighting all day overtake her. It had been so long since she’d felt anything but indifference or fear while being held in a man’s arms, and she wanted to enjoy this. She wanted to experience everything Garrett would give her. This was what she’d asked him for, and it was what she’d dared to fantasize about for years now. Always in secret, of course.

  But now her fantasies no longer had to be secret. She’d pushed aside her trepidation and shared them, and it had been the right thing to do. It was time to live the life she’d been meant to live. When she lifted her face toward his, he kissed her. Teresa couldn’t hold back the soft moan as his tongue parted her lips and did things to her mouth that she’d only dreamed about.

  So this was how it was supposed to feel. This heady, dizzy swirl of desire and longing. Erotic images danced through her head, making her knees weak. She could taste the mayonnaise on his chicken sandwich, and the Italian salad dressing, but she didn’t mind. He no doubt could taste the crazy shit she’d had Emma put on her cheeseburger, but he didn’t seem to mind either. He teased the inside of her mouth with his tongue while his hands roamed over her hair, her back, and finally her ass.

  When he released her mouth, he cupped her face. “I’m sorry. I had to do that. I’ve wanted to ever since yesterday morning when I almost ran you over.”

  She laughed. “That’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.”

  Garrett laughed as well, and then he literally picked her up off her feet and gave her a tight bear hug. “Teresa Rodriguez, you are adorable. Do you know that?”

  She shook her head. “No, but thank you for saying so.”

  He placed her back on the gravel. “Is that your complete name? You’re Catholic. You must have like ten more, right?”

  “Close. My full name is Teresa Maria Angela Rodriquez.”

  “That’s very pretty. I might call you by all those first names from now on.”

  “They take a long time to say.”

  “Then I’ll call you TMA for short. It’s like TMI, but without the negative connotation.”

  She giggled. “Okay. It’s a deal.”

  “Let’s go inside. I want to show you my dungeon.”

  “That sounds medieval.”

  “But perfect for a Spanish saint, no?”

  She took his hand as he led her toward the back door. “Oh, funny. Really. What’s your full name?”

  He unlocked the door and they crossed the threshold into a spacious mud room. She caught the scent of sage, and breathed it in. She loved that smell.

  “Mine isn’t nearly as lyrical as yours. Garrett John Paul Amato. Boring.”

  “You’re right.”

  “Watch it. I have floggers and I know how to use them.”

  That’s what she was counting on.

  “Do you want the whole house to
ur?”

  “I’d love the whole house tour. We have all evening, right?”

  He looked at her with what could only be called lust, and her heart soared. How many girls in high school had wished Garrett Amato would turn his attention toward them? But this was better. He wasn’t a selfish teen any longer. He was an amazing, charming man.

  “We have as much time as you need.” His voice was soft, sexy. “I’m off tomorrow as well. We can spend the entire day together if you want.”

  Oh shit. How could she have forgotten to tell him this? “Crap. I feel terrible about this. I should have told you earlier. I didn’t mean to withhold it. We were talking about so many things, that I didn’t think about it until just now. I have a date tomorrow night. It’s with someone you know.”

  He reined in his disappointment quickly, but not fast enough. She caught it. “Oh? May I ask who?”

  “Carson Decker.”

  “Oh. Well, that’s okay. I have no claims on you. We’re all adults.”

  “Garrett, I feel terrible right now. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you. It just didn’t come up, and we were having such a great time…”

  His gaze softened and he pulled her close. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act like a jealous boyfriend.”

  “I like that. Strike that. It didn’t come out right. I’m not a player. Shit. I’m making a mess of this.”

  “No you’re not. I know you’re not a player. Everything is fine. Honestly it is.”

  “I meant it’s nice to have someone care about spending time with me.”

  “Oh, Teresa…” He stroked her hair, which sent shivers up and down her spine. “What did that asshole do to you?” The question was so soft she barely heard it. He pulled away and cupped her face. “Did you love him?”

  “Ray? I don’t know. Probably not. I have no idea. How could I know what I felt? I was afraid of him for most of the time we were together.”

  “I hope I can show you what a relationship is supposed to be like.”

  “I hope so, too.” She blinked away tears. Good lord. Would she ever stop crying? “That’s all I want. Carson asked me out after I told him and Sean the story Sunday night. I wasn’t trying to hide it from you.”